faith's true colors

i am currently, as i type this, discovering the true colors of my faith.
i will be leaving with seven other people from elevation to go to nepal on monday. i'm a little nervous, but more excited than anything. here's the only thing....i still need to pay quite a bit of money before friday.
when i first decided to go on the trip, i sent out support letters and a TON of money came in the very first couple of weeks, and then it stopped. so here i am, just a few days before we leave, and desperate before god, waiting for him to provide. he has already shown himself faithful through two gorgeous friends of mine. i believe that the money they gave me was just a glimpse of the rest that god WILL provide this week. although, i have to say, i wasn't this positive yesterday. i got pretty freaked out for a short season. but then as i was spending time with jesus this morning, he brought me back to a chapter in the bible that has been so faithful to encourage me over the past few years. it was james 1 and i just can't get over the promise of god to take over and provide when i have faith. james 1 just talks about how the trials given to us are a sheer gift and as we are tested, the true colors of our faith are revealed. i want SO MUCH for the colors that are revealed through this to be beautiful to god, my daddy who absolutely loves me!!!!
it feels good to have this kind of faith, because honestly, the past 6 months have been so far from this that i'm living right now. right after christmas, i defintely went through the lowest valley i've ever been through, and it was hard. i wanted to give up. but as i was talking with my beautiful friend katy, i figured out that the reason that valley was so low, was because i had just come off of the highest mountain ever! before that valley god revealed himself so much to me that it was overwhelming! i was just a sponge, soaking up all he had for me while i abided under the faucet of his love. so here i was, FULL of all this new knowledge and wisdom and energy and vision, but when i hit the valley, i FROZE. i couldn't for the life of me put all that god had poured into me, into practice. so i pretty much just hated my life, and wallowed in selfishness for the last 6 months. the strange thing was, i couldn't ever actually put my finger on what it was that made my life so horrible. i just all of a sudden wasn't happy.
now, i can put my finger on one thing for sure....i had begun to put my eyes on myself and i had taken my mind off of the vision god had given me. back when i was on that mountain, i was so in love with god and expectant of the future he had for me, that i couldn't even go to sleep most nights. but when i quit dreaming, and serving, i was miserable.
all that to say this.....i'm back on the mountain! i don't have a clue how it happened, but because of that valley, although i'm going to thoroughly enjoy my time onthe mountain, i'm going to be so prepared for the next valley. i realize that i was tested, and i failed. not that i regret the past six months because i spent a lot of hours being honest before god, just crying out to him, which is really refreshing. i just know now that to pass the test, for the beautiful colors of my faith to come out, i have to put into practice ALL that he teaches me on the mountain!
so here i am on the mountain, and this is my prayer from james, part of what i'm beginning to claim over my life everyday..."god, i consider it a blessing when challenges come my way...i don't want to get out of anything prematurely because i want to see my faith perfected in you, and i know that takes time. i'm praying BOLDY, BELIEVINGLY, AND WITHOUT SECOND-THOUGHT. i believe that the reward is LIFE and MORE LIFE if i meet these challenges head on, as i fall even more loyally in love with you!"
pray the word....it works! i could go on forever about praying god's word...and i think i will...tomorrow :)